How To Upstage Everyone

Weddings always present us with a myriad of wardrobe questions. How formal is the event? Where is it? Day or evening? Indoor or out? But in the end, generally, the range of appropriate wedding attire is fairly small, compared to one's whole wardrobe.

This week, I have learned that wedding-related events are a whole other can of worms.

I have only been in one wedding ever, three years ago, and along the way, there was only one real wardrobe snag, when my darling bride-to-be told me she was having a casual rehearsal dinner, at which she would wear jeans. Gasp! I had never been to a rehearsal dinner, only seen them on TV, and on TV, they are cocktail-style events. So I had a cocktail-style outfit picked out months in advance. (I just wouldn't be me if I didn't.) But I caved and I too wore jeans. And I looked fabulous, of course, because jeans are easy to dress up. (You looked fabulous too, dear! :) )

Flash forward to this summer, when I am going to be a bridesmaid in two more weddings. One rehearsal dinner is going to be very casual, and so although I don't have a specific outfit picked out yet, I have a general idea. It's probably going to be a day dress and some outrageous heels (because of course those are my trademark). The other one is giving me fits about what to wear, because the rehearsal itself (and the wedding) is going to be in a fairly formal setting, against the backdrop of a huge fancy mansion. So I got very caught up in shopping for insane cocktail dresses, including sparkle, pattern, bright colors, crazy cut-outs, high hemlines, hemlines that were short in front and long in back (that's apparently in this season, and I'm admittedly a bit smitten with the look...hey, we all have our guilty pleasures)...basically anything that looked like I could make an emergency appearance on Dancing With The Stars in the middle of the rehearsal made it into the running. And don't get me wrong, ordinarily I wouldn't condone looks such as this, but how often does a girl get to wear a dress like that in an approriate setting? Trust me, this house can handle such a look; I feel like it would be insulted with anything less.

But then my bride drops a bombshell on me: the rehearsal is going to be at the mansion, of course, but the dinner portion of the evening is going to be a barbeque at her parents' house.

Now, I've never tried to clean crumbs out from under scale-like sequins, or get barbeque sauce out of feathers , but I imagine it requires much more than the domestic skills I personally was given.

So I'm left with quite a wardrobe conundrum. What can I wear that is fancy and outrageous enough for the mansion, yet still casual enough for a backyard barbeque? The bride said she would probably wear jeans, and this would be a great fallback option, like my first rehearsal dinner. Except this one is in June (the first was in December), and it gets very hot in June in this part of the world, and I can't possibly wear jeans. The warm weather counterpart to jeans is shorts, and those are a lot harder to dress up. (Not impossible, mind you, but much harder.) What's a fashionista to do??

Here is the conclusion I have come to, for how to upstage everyone.

It's unlikely I'm going to be satisfied with anything that is completely devoid of sparkle, but it's also unlikely I'm going to try to eat barbeque in that sparkly feathered dress. So the trick is to find some kind of happy medium. Such as a dress in a casual fabric or cut, but in a bright color, and with some bold detailing (or accessories). This dress is a nice blend of summer breezy and upscale (it's silk, so I'll still have to be careful with the barbeque sauce!) and can be easily jazzed up with a big necklace, and of course, great shoes! You'll still be better dressed (and cooler!) than all those people in jeans, but you won't look overdone. Or pick one really fabulous item that stands on its own and take everything else down a notch; I love the idea of this skirt with a plain black tank. Granted, if you've got as much junk in your trunk as I do, you shouldn't go that short on the skirt, but you get the idea.

So the way to upstage everyone is not by covering yourself in sequins (though if everyone else is going cocktail, that's certainly a reliable option), but by making them wonder how you can manage to look so fabulous and yet so laid-back at the same time. Fashion is a balancing act, and knowing how to walk the line is a lot more impressive than just being able to throw on the most outrageous thing you can find. Yeah, you'll get a lot of attention that way, but is it the kind you want? As a sparkle-a-holic myself, this is the lesson that I learned this week. Less can sometimes be more...who knew?