Personally, I'm not much a fan of big awards shows, with the exception of looking through all the pictures of celebrities on the red carpet. There are always some really gorgeous dresses and sharp suits...but sadly, fame and fortune apparently cannot buy fashion sense, because the red carpet also always features quite a few train wrecks. I don't understand. These people have stylists! Which makes me wonder whether they're not listening to their stylists, or if their stylists are just that bad.
I know that a lot of these people are "artists" and they want to "make a statement" with their Grammys garb. Fine. Whatever. I wouldn't even know where to begin with Lady Gaga. The people I'm more concerned about are the ones who (I assume) think they look good and are only trying to look good, not prove anything. But I suppose their bad fashion is good for one thing: now we can all learn from the mistakes of others. So without further ado, the fashion faux pas from the red carpet, and the celebs who made them.
1. Wearing Lingerie As Clothing
It was hard to categorize Katy Perry's look into a single broken rule, but in the end this seemed the most appropriate. Yes, the skirt is awful, and I have no idea what she was thinking wearing wings (but maybe this is one of those statement pieces I said I wouldn't critique), but really the worst thing about the outfit is the glitter bra. Not acceptable. Unless you are Quailman, your underwear goes under your clothes.
2. Too Much Animal Print
This rule is so simple: pick ONE piece of animal print to accent a look, or else you look like you are the animal. I'm talking to you, Nicki Minaj. The dress isn't that bad, but it's hard to tell for sure because I'm so distracted by the animal print tights and even the print on her hair. I could see the tights working with the right little black dress, and I might not even think what was on her hair was supposed to be animal print if it weren't for everything else. But all together, it's way, way too much.
3. Dreadlocks
They are gross. They look creepy. Nothing more to say. Please, Crystal Bowersox, get rid of them.
4. Not Dressing Age Appropriate
Dear Cyndi Lauper, you are 57. Please accept it. And don't wear dresses that are cut that short. No one wants to see that. (Also, this dress is just awful.) I'm just grateful I could only find one offender in this category.
5. MC Hammer Pants
I seriously can't believe there were two offenders in this category at the same event. Unless Adam Levine and Black Eyed Peas' Taboo were trying to pay tribute to MC Hammer, there is just no excuse for this style of pant to have even made it out of the 90's, let alone all the way to 2011. Seriously, guys, this is a fashion trend, uh, you can't touch.
6. Showing Too Much Skin
This is a problem that civilians and celebrities are likewise afflicted with. There's a fine line between sexy and skanky, and these lovely ladies are on the wrong side of it. Not that far, for the most part, but on the wrong side, no less. With just a little bit more coverage, each of these offenders could have been on the best-dressed list, but their barely-there awards attire left too little to the imagination. I actually like Bonnie McKee's bright dress...what little of it there is on the lower half. I know minis are making a comeback, but if you're borderline indecent, your mini is just too mini. Same for Jennifer Lopez; just a couple more inches on her mirrored sheath would have gone a long way. The rule is legs OR boobs, and J.Lo is breaking that rule by doing both.
Just like hemlines, slits in full-length dresses were also indecently high last night. I would let the cutout top on Ciara's dress slide if it weren't for the slit. Seriously, if the wind blows the wrong way, she's going to need a censor. Kim Kardashian's slit isn't quite so bad, but combined with the slit in the top half of her dress, it's too much. And really, Kim is a girl who doesn't need a dress that screams sexy so loudly; she's known for her curves, and she looks like she smuggled cantaloupes into the Grammys for snacktime later. She could be more covered up and just as sexy.
Last but not least, there's Rhianna. At first glance, her dress looks like horizontal stripes. Not the best look, but she's skinny enough, she can pull it off. But then I realized that the nude-colored stripes are that color because they are see-through, and that is actually Rhianna's skin. Just think about how thin those ruffles are, and what some of them must be covering. One wrong move, and she needs the censors too. Because there's no way she's hiding any kind of undergarments under there. But as previously mentioned, that would also have been tacky.
7. Seriously...What Were They Thinking?!
Finally, the worst of the worst. These celebs' outfits were just so unflattering, there was no other way to categorize it. On the plus side, I've never heard of any of them, so there's still time for them to evolve their fashion sense, or hire a better stylist, before they get super-famous, and then hopefully these pictures will only see the light of day when Cosmo does a feature on uber-fashionistas who once upon a time had a fashion misstep.
Yocon Talie's dress is just not good. Tight in all the wrong places, and those giant turquoise feathers are hiding nothing. But this gal has a gorgeous face and glowing smile, and I'm positive she will rebound from this fashion disaster. Karina Nuvo looks like she's wearing a bridesmaid dress. And not a good one, the kind all of us eternal bridesmaids fear. It's an awards show, honey, not a wedding.
Oh my. I don't even know what to say about the dress Gramma Funk is wearing. What a hot mess. I like the shoes, though. It's too bad no one is going to be looking at anything south of her cleavage. Same to you, Robert Jones. He's taking that "real men wear pink" thing way too far. His unnamed guest is cute, though; she could do better.
Sorry I had to put you through all that. Are your retinas burning? Mine too. But all hope is not lost! For one, now you know how not to dress when going to an awards show. And secondly, there were a lot of great looks last night as well, even a few who took their inspiration from the same place as these fashion rule-breakers, but without taking it too far. I really like Keri Hilson's blue mini and --dare I say it?!-- the animal print gown Miley Cyrus wore. Also have to give props to Florence Welch for wearing a dress that was quirky and flattering at the same time. Take note, Lady Gaga: it can be done.
Okay, maybe I lied...I love awards season!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
How To Upstage Everyone
Weddings always present us with a myriad of wardrobe questions. How formal is the event? Where is it? Day or evening? Indoor or out? But in the end, generally, the range of appropriate wedding attire is fairly small, compared to one's whole wardrobe.
This week, I have learned that wedding-related events are a whole other can of worms.
I have only been in one wedding ever, three years ago, and along the way, there was only one real wardrobe snag, when my darling bride-to-be told me she was having a casual rehearsal dinner, at which she would wear jeans. Gasp! I had never been to a rehearsal dinner, only seen them on TV, and on TV, they are cocktail-style events. So I had a cocktail-style outfit picked out months in advance. (I just wouldn't be me if I didn't.) But I caved and I too wore jeans. And I looked fabulous, of course, because jeans are easy to dress up. (You looked fabulous too, dear! :) )
Flash forward to this summer, when I am going to be a bridesmaid in two more weddings. One rehearsal dinner is going to be very casual, and so although I don't have a specific outfit picked out yet, I have a general idea. It's probably going to be a day dress and some outrageous heels (because of course those are my trademark). The other one is giving me fits about what to wear, because the rehearsal itself (and the wedding) is going to be in a fairly formal setting, against the backdrop of a huge fancy mansion. So I got very caught up in shopping for insane cocktail dresses, including sparkle, pattern, bright colors, crazy cut-outs, high hemlines, hemlines that were short in front and long in back (that's apparently in this season, and I'm admittedly a bit smitten with the look...hey, we all have our guilty pleasures)...basically anything that looked like I could make an emergency appearance on Dancing With The Stars in the middle of the rehearsal made it into the running. And don't get me wrong, ordinarily I wouldn't condone looks such as this, but how often does a girl get to wear a dress like that in an approriate setting? Trust me, this house can handle such a look; I feel like it would be insulted with anything less.
But then my bride drops a bombshell on me: the rehearsal is going to be at the mansion, of course, but the dinner portion of the evening is going to be a barbeque at her parents' house.
Now, I've never tried to clean crumbs out from under scale-like sequins, or get barbeque sauce out of feathers , but I imagine it requires much more than the domestic skills I personally was given.
So I'm left with quite a wardrobe conundrum. What can I wear that is fancy and outrageous enough for the mansion, yet still casual enough for a backyard barbeque? The bride said she would probably wear jeans, and this would be a great fallback option, like my first rehearsal dinner. Except this one is in June (the first was in December), and it gets very hot in June in this part of the world, and I can't possibly wear jeans. The warm weather counterpart to jeans is shorts, and those are a lot harder to dress up. (Not impossible, mind you, but much harder.) What's a fashionista to do??
Here is the conclusion I have come to, for how to upstage everyone.
It's unlikely I'm going to be satisfied with anything that is completely devoid of sparkle, but it's also unlikely I'm going to try to eat barbeque in that sparkly feathered dress. So the trick is to find some kind of happy medium. Such as a dress in a casual fabric or cut, but in a bright color, and with some bold detailing (or accessories). This dress is a nice blend of summer breezy and upscale (it's silk, so I'll still have to be careful with the barbeque sauce!) and can be easily jazzed up with a big necklace, and of course, great shoes! You'll still be better dressed (and cooler!) than all those people in jeans, but you won't look overdone. Or pick one really fabulous item that stands on its own and take everything else down a notch; I love the idea of this skirt with a plain black tank. Granted, if you've got as much junk in your trunk as I do, you shouldn't go that short on the skirt, but you get the idea.
So the way to upstage everyone is not by covering yourself in sequins (though if everyone else is going cocktail, that's certainly a reliable option), but by making them wonder how you can manage to look so fabulous and yet so laid-back at the same time. Fashion is a balancing act, and knowing how to walk the line is a lot more impressive than just being able to throw on the most outrageous thing you can find. Yeah, you'll get a lot of attention that way, but is it the kind you want? As a sparkle-a-holic myself, this is the lesson that I learned this week. Less can sometimes be more...who knew?
This week, I have learned that wedding-related events are a whole other can of worms.
I have only been in one wedding ever, three years ago, and along the way, there was only one real wardrobe snag, when my darling bride-to-be told me she was having a casual rehearsal dinner, at which she would wear jeans. Gasp! I had never been to a rehearsal dinner, only seen them on TV, and on TV, they are cocktail-style events. So I had a cocktail-style outfit picked out months in advance. (I just wouldn't be me if I didn't.) But I caved and I too wore jeans. And I looked fabulous, of course, because jeans are easy to dress up. (You looked fabulous too, dear! :) )
Flash forward to this summer, when I am going to be a bridesmaid in two more weddings. One rehearsal dinner is going to be very casual, and so although I don't have a specific outfit picked out yet, I have a general idea. It's probably going to be a day dress and some outrageous heels (because of course those are my trademark). The other one is giving me fits about what to wear, because the rehearsal itself (and the wedding) is going to be in a fairly formal setting, against the backdrop of a huge fancy mansion. So I got very caught up in shopping for insane cocktail dresses, including sparkle, pattern, bright colors, crazy cut-outs, high hemlines, hemlines that were short in front and long in back (that's apparently in this season, and I'm admittedly a bit smitten with the look...hey, we all have our guilty pleasures)...basically anything that looked like I could make an emergency appearance on Dancing With The Stars in the middle of the rehearsal made it into the running. And don't get me wrong, ordinarily I wouldn't condone looks such as this, but how often does a girl get to wear a dress like that in an approriate setting? Trust me, this house can handle such a look; I feel like it would be insulted with anything less.
But then my bride drops a bombshell on me: the rehearsal is going to be at the mansion, of course, but the dinner portion of the evening is going to be a barbeque at her parents' house.
Now, I've never tried to clean crumbs out from under scale-like sequins, or get barbeque sauce out of feathers , but I imagine it requires much more than the domestic skills I personally was given.
So I'm left with quite a wardrobe conundrum. What can I wear that is fancy and outrageous enough for the mansion, yet still casual enough for a backyard barbeque? The bride said she would probably wear jeans, and this would be a great fallback option, like my first rehearsal dinner. Except this one is in June (the first was in December), and it gets very hot in June in this part of the world, and I can't possibly wear jeans. The warm weather counterpart to jeans is shorts, and those are a lot harder to dress up. (Not impossible, mind you, but much harder.) What's a fashionista to do??
Here is the conclusion I have come to, for how to upstage everyone.
It's unlikely I'm going to be satisfied with anything that is completely devoid of sparkle, but it's also unlikely I'm going to try to eat barbeque in that sparkly feathered dress. So the trick is to find some kind of happy medium. Such as a dress in a casual fabric or cut, but in a bright color, and with some bold detailing (or accessories). This dress is a nice blend of summer breezy and upscale (it's silk, so I'll still have to be careful with the barbeque sauce!) and can be easily jazzed up with a big necklace, and of course, great shoes! You'll still be better dressed (and cooler!) than all those people in jeans, but you won't look overdone. Or pick one really fabulous item that stands on its own and take everything else down a notch; I love the idea of this skirt with a plain black tank. Granted, if you've got as much junk in your trunk as I do, you shouldn't go that short on the skirt, but you get the idea.
So the way to upstage everyone is not by covering yourself in sequins (though if everyone else is going cocktail, that's certainly a reliable option), but by making them wonder how you can manage to look so fabulous and yet so laid-back at the same time. Fashion is a balancing act, and knowing how to walk the line is a lot more impressive than just being able to throw on the most outrageous thing you can find. Yeah, you'll get a lot of attention that way, but is it the kind you want? As a sparkle-a-holic myself, this is the lesson that I learned this week. Less can sometimes be more...who knew?
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